My Brush with Mortality—3 Realizations that Inspired my Novel

My Brush with Mortality—3 Realizations that Inspired my Novel

During the pandemic, a series of poor health reports resulted in three surgeries (two planned and one life-saving emergency surgery that led to a nine-day recovery stint in the hospital). Nothing makes you reevaluate your life like facing your mortality. 

Alone at night in that hospital bed—six IVs attached to my arms and an NG tube up my nose—I took a critical look at how I’d lived my life. Despite outward appearances, my mental tally reflected a woman who hadn’t been particularly thoughtful about how she was spending her time and talents.

Studies have established that lasting happiness comes not from things and goals, but from forming healthy connections with others. During my recovery, I identified three habits that were getting in the way of deeper emotional bonds:

Fooling myself. By most measures, my life looked ideal (a lovely home, two healthy kids, a supportive husband, a diverse group of friends, and a thriving career). And yet, I was always too exhausted to fully enjoy any of it. Before my health crisis, that complaint seemed like shameful whining. But when at my weakest and sickest, I realized that—shameful or not—mental and physical exhaustion had been warning signs that my life was out of balance. My happiness had been fleeting, built on an unstable foundation.

Running at full-tilt. When my kids hit grade school, I got serious about writing a novel. Lightning struck—I got an agent and a publishing contract—and within a short time, I had a publisher demanding three books per year. I had events to attend, workshops to teach, and new friendships to nurture.

It was exciting and validating. But at the same time, my parents were growing older (my father also suffered with Parkinson’s). My husband hit a rough patch in his career. My kids needed more of my mental and emotional resources as they faced the challenges of growing up. Priding myself on being a mentally tough multi-tasker, I attempted to “have it all.” I never asked for help; I just got stuff done at work and on the home front. Until I couldn’t. I’m not unusual. A majority of people I know are over-committed (by choice or by necessity). The problem is that it is making us sick. Our “American Dream” culture encourages us chase things and accomplishments. But when you are always looking to the next goal or at a to-do list, you undervalue and miss out enjoying on what you already have.

Acting from a place of fear. Fear is sneaky. It often felt more like motivation than dread, but fear (of poverty, of embarrassment, of missing out, of being judged, and so on) often drove my decisions. The fear of not being good enough kept me writing on a schedule that was detracting from other areas of my life. Saying yes to every invitation made me miss time with my husband and kids. Making choices based on what I perceived others would think of me rarely brought the satisfaction that doing what I really wanted might have. Basically, fear made me irrational, and that rarely leads to satisfaction.

This self-reflection made it clear that I would never be able to form the healthy emotional connections needed to be truly happy while I continued to be dishonest with myself, exhausted, and fearful. 

Building a more intentional life became my number one priority. Step one: never forget that each day could be my last. That has a way of resharpening one’s focus. When confronted with any choice, I am now more mindful of which decisions will take me backward (into exhaustion and fear) or forward toward harmony and joy. I’ve downsized my life in many respects. I’ve taken a pay cut by writing fewer books. I’ve gone to therapy to learn to moderate those voices in my head that had free reign for fifty-plus years. And I’ve become more personally vulnerable with those closest to me. Although I haven’t achieved a state of nirvana, I am definitely living more authentically, and that is bringing a kind of peace I value.

This soul-searching journey inspired the themes in the THE BEAUTY OF RAIN. At its core, it’s about recognizing self-destructive patterns and adjusting expectations and behavior in order to foster deeper connections with the people who matter most. I sincerely hope that readers will close the final chapter with renewed gratitude for the gift of life, and with the courage to make a change if one is necessary.

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THE BEAUTY OF RAIN

Two devoted sisters at a tragic breaking point discover the beautiful and painful truths of being alive in a powerful novel by Wall Street Journal and USA Today bestselling author Jamie Beck.

Winning the lottery changed Amy Walsh’s life, but the cost was greater than she could bear. In the aftermath, she struggles to find joy and purpose. Only one thing feels certain now―she will never spend one cent of the prize money on herself.

Worried, her older sister, Kristin DeMarco, invites Amy to live with her family while she heals. Unfortunately, this arrangement leads to trouble for Kristin: Divided focus affects her career. Her daughter prefers Amy to her. And Amy’s unsolicited opinions provoke tension between Kristin and her husband.

Meanwhile, Amy is making drastic plans of her own, which include giving away all her money. But first she must convince Kristin not to squander her most valuable asset―time with her family.

As the sisters help each other reimagine their futures, life’s unpredictability sends them to surprising places that test their love and resilience. Will they learn to live in the now, before it’s too late?

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Wall Street Journal and USA Today Bestselling author Jamie Beck’s realistic and heartwarming stories have sold more than three million copies. She is a two-time Booksellers’ Best Award finalist, a National Readers’ Choice Award winner, and critics at Kirkus, Publishers Weekly, and Booklist have respectively called her work “smart,” “uplifting,” and “entertaining.” In addition to writing novels, she enjoys dancing around the kitchen while cooking and hitting the slopes in Vermont and Utah. Above all, she is a grateful wife and mother to a very patient, supportive family.

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Category: On Writing