Comments on: Women Writers and Guilt: We Have to Learn to Let It Go

By: Sela Gaglia

Sela Gaglia — Tue, 12 Aug 2014 21:28:41 +0000

I must admit, in order to write I allow my sons more video game playing time and processed snack food eating than I do at any other time, but I also think that the guilt I nudge to the back of my mind so I can tap away at the keyboard can also be a gift. After I’ve allowed myself to get some solid work done and I peel myself from my monitor and snatch my kids from their game consoles, I’m all the more likely to be REALLY present with them. On the other hand, when I’m physically with them, but my mind is working out a plot line they’re not getting the best of me. One thing I’ve learned over the past 15 years of parenting: I’ll mess up. They’ll forgive me (after due penance). I’ll try it a different way until I get it right. They know I love them/

AND: being raised by a phenomenal mom, who wears guilt like a badge of honor, it’s not so much fun watching your mom torn up over things you think are your fault (whether they are or aren’t).

So, I say, set every one free and write on, mama.

By: Jennifer Rockwell

Jennifer Rockwell — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 21:23:28 +0000

This article taps into a dilemma I think many people assume is somehow behind us now. That somehow, subsequent to women’s lib, societal and social pressures to be perfect wives and mothers just vanished, and that we ought to be able to swiftly and easily shut out those feelings of guilt, those voices telling us to comply or compromise ourselves to the greater good of spousal or family support, etc.

I often find myself in a strange and disheartening “catch 22” of guilt. It begins with guilt for feeling I ought to be taking care of family needs rather than focusing on my own – and then cycles into guilt for feeling that way, even though we have been “liberated.” Circular thinking at its finest. 🙂 I think it’s important to remember that truly healing and altering such long standing societal belief systems takes generations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Your suggestions are a wonderful way to continue the fight.

By: Sarah Hackley

Sarah Hackley — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 15:39:35 +0000

In reply to Laura. We certainly are not alone! It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? :-)

By: Zainub Dala

Zainub Dala — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 10:23:53 +0000

A truth-telling fantastic read. Thank you. I find that apart from the time taken away from my kids(6years, and 2 years old), and the house and kitchen in a state of chaos…it is the time I spend inside my head that I feel most guilty about. I’m physically present for the tasks that make me a woman and a mother, but my mind is always on writing and publicising my work. This mindlessness is noticed by my husband and kids who steer clear of me when I go into my own vacant stares and detach from them. It is tough. Very tough. But I do it anyway. And yes, the guilt is strong.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:13:41 +0000

I enjoyed reading this so much because it helped me realize that we are not alone! I have been consistently practicing the awareness that allows me to recognize the “guilt” voice in my head. I call her Martha. When I hear Martha talking, I take a breath, recognize and thank her for her concern, then shut her down and keep writing.

By: Sarah Hackley

Sarah Hackley — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 18:24:53 +0000

In reply to Carly Gelsinger. I hear you. My son is almost 21 months old, and I'm still squeezing most of my work hours into his 1.5-2 hour nap. There's only so much time in a day. Kudos to you for prioritizing yourself over the house. :-)

By: Carly Gelsinger

Carly Gelsinger — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 02:12:47 +0000

OMG, this was on my mind all day. The house is a disaster, we eat microwaved dinners most nights, dirty laundry is piling up on the floor. SO MUCH GUILT. And yes, even when I am not writing, my mind is on my craft. My daughter is 18 months… too young to shut the door and say “respect mommy’s work time” – so I try to work during her naps. Which means nothing else gets done. Nothing.
Thank you for sharing.

By: Women Writers and Guilt, by Sarah Hackley | The Gloria Sirens

Women Writers and Guilt, by Sarah Hackley | The Gloria Sirens — Sat, 05 Jul 2014 17:17:23 +0000

[…] Read the whole text here. […]

By: Sarah Hackley

Sarah Hackley — Wed, 02 Jul 2014 16:41:15 +0000

In reply to Ellen Fowler Hummel.

Ellen,

Yes, I know too well the there-but-absent feeling that often accompanies a work in progress. It’s living in two places at once! Thank you for your addition to the thread and for reading. 🙂

Warm regards,

Sarah

By: Ellen Fowler Hummel

Ellen Fowler Hummel — Tue, 01 Jul 2014 21:02:42 +0000

Ah yes the guilt, but not just for the time I spend writing. When I’m working on a particular piece, my mind isn’t always on the people around me, and that can be tough too. I feel selfish almost, but I have found that when I set parameters about my work, and am consistent about claiming that time, the folks around me respect it. My kids are teenagers, and soon I’ll be feeling guilty about spending as much time as possible with my daughter before she goes to college next year. It never stops! Great post.