DEAR BOBBY: MY GRIEF JOURNEY, Diane Papalia: Excerpt

DEAR BOBBY: MY GRIEF JOURNEY, Diane Papalia

In Dear Bobby, Diane Papalia Zappa describes the loss of her beloved husband after three short years of marriage. She talks about her own grieving process and outlines ways that can help others cope.

The centerpiece of this book is a collection of several “Dear Bobby” letters that helped Diane process her grief and reestablish her relationship with her husband. She offers several writing prompts to encourage readers to begin their own writing journey. Diane also includes a helpful selection of resources—books about death, grief, and the afterlife; films with afterlife themes; and support groups for those who are grieving.

EXCERPT

Chapter 6

How Writing Eased My Pain

Almost immediately after Bob passed away, I started to write. I had to find a way to ease the pain of his passing and thought writing a memoir or keeping a journal might help. I’ve always enjoyed writing. I’d already written a few college textbooks. I was even editor of my high school yearbook. Writing to ease my pain was different, but it made sense to me. I hoped that reflecting on my loss would be cathartic, allowing me to find meaning in my experience. And eventually peace.

A few months after Bob died, I started to write about the trauma. My writing came naturally and easily. It felt good to get it out! Sometimes I’d “write” in my head before putting my pen to paper—or in my case, fingers to iPad.

I organized my thoughts in chapters rather than as a journal. I didn’t work from an outline. I didn’t need one. The chapters flowed easily. At times, I felt I was channeling Bob. On a good day, I’d often draft a couple chapters. And I wrote every day. I needed to.

I never intended to publish my musings. I wanted to preserve my memories before they inevitably started to fade. And I wanted to share the story of Bob and me with my daughter, Anna, and a few friends. I hoped I’d find comfort in collecting my memories so I could go back to them at any time. When I wrote, I let the words simply flow, allowing me to express and confront many powerful emotions without worrying about grammar or punctuation. Writing increased my sense of well-being and decreased my anxiety and depression.

Then, one day in August 2020, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed. Emily Barrosse,, who had been an editor-in-chief at Mc-Graw Hill, had posted that she just founded Bold Story Press. A pretty bold move in the middle of a pandemic! And I admired that. She said she was looking for manuscripts by women to evaluate for publication; she was familiar with my textbooks. I replied to her post telling her I had a manuscript. It was a story of two soulmates, Bob and Diane, who fell in love in 1986, finally got together in 2013, and married in 2015. And then, in 2018, Bob passed away.

She was intrigued. We had a lengthy phone call the next day in which I “pitched” my story. She asked me to send whatever I had written. I explained I wrote on my iPad using the Evernote app. Even though it might be unorthodox, she said I should send it on. So, I sent her a table of contents and three chapters. After a few weeks, she told me Bold Story Press wanted to publish my memoir. I signed a contract and in July 2021, The Married Widow: My Journey with Bob Zappa, was published. It was the first book published by Bold Story Press.

Before publishing The Married Widow, I had begun my “Dear Bobby” letters, a collection of letters to Bob to tell him about my life and feelings. I enjoyed the challenge of determining what I wanted to tell him. I have compiled some of my favorite letters in Part Two of Dear Bobby.  And Part Three includes quotes by famous individuals that can serve as writing prompts, or may simply serve as ideas for thought and reflection.

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing