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You’re Never Too Old to Be Your Seven-Year-Old Self

June 10, 2024 | By Women Writers Women Books | Reply More

By Saki Tanaka

One of my favorite things about introducing myself as a picture book author-illustrator is hearing: “I’ve always wanted to write a children’s book!” Nothing delights me more than meeting kindred spirits and fellow storytellers. A common question that follows is: “How long did it take you to make your book?” When I disclose that it nearly took a decade, most people balk. And I get it. I, too, assumed writing books for kids would be a cinch!

Looking back, creating Between Words: A Friendship Tale, ended up being a grueling excavation of my truest self, and an odyssey of discovering my purpose, my people, and my place in the world.

What wise sage guided me on this bumpy path?

Me. Or rather, seven year old me—Little Saki who loved dreaming up magical worlds she could draw, write about, and proudly share with others—whose voice I’d suppressed as I begrudgingly became a grown-up.

Losing touch with this wild, self-loving child happened in predictable ways. Varying degrees of being told “you’re not good enough” chipped away at her spirit; whether by a mother who insisted I “speak up” but punished me when I did, or by a classroom of kids who mocked me for pronouncing words incorrectly after every move to a new country. These wounds made me build my protective shell. I tried to fit in. I worked hard to be “good.” I sought the acceptance of others and stopped being myself.

And, while I’m lucky that my parents never pressured me to become a lawyer or doctor, they did nudge me towards fiscally responsible ways to channel my creativity. So instead of pursuing a life in art and storytelling, I became a graphic designer. As had become my habit, I ignored Little Saki’s whisperings telling me, “This isn’t you.” And while I gained useful skills and talented friends, forcing myself to do something that didn’t light me up, day after day, took its toll.

Eventually, Little Saki’s whispers grew into shrill, full on tantrums. I dreaded Mondays. I cried in the shower. I got existential.

My lack of alignment with what I was doing, combined with the guilt I felt for not being grateful for my job, made me seek other avenues of purpose. I volunteered. I researched getting a degree in social work and philanthropy. While these swerves inspired me with glimpses of other meaning-filled lives, I found myself feeling even more lost and out of place.

So what finally punted me out of this rut?

Listening to Little Saki.

I started to draw and write and dream again. One continuing-ed class led to another, each revealing the next step. I slowly remembered what Little Saki had known all along: my obsession for magical worlds, storytelling, and drawing pictures could come together in creating books for her and other kids!

In one of these early classes, I had to “just tell an entire story from beginning to end.” I was stumped. What would I even write about?

That’s when I remembered hearing a radio story about the world’s deepest freshwater cave. I wondered what fantastical realm and beings these pools concealed. Also around this time I became intrigued by a friend’s insatiable need for travel. The merging of these curiosities became the first iteration of Between Words.

I tinkered with this story for a while but struggled to make it “click” till finally, teachers I met along the way called out some unaddressed sentiments in the manuscript. This opened the space for me to listen to Little Saki, my bastion of self-knowledge, who helped me realize that this first draft wasn’t working because it wasn’t based on my lived experience. The story started to feel right as soon as I flipped the script, rewriting it to become about a boy who lives a nomadic life. Kai’s yearning for belonging now echoed mine from my transient childhood, moving from country to country.

Following Little Saki’s lead, I continued chasing sparks of curiosity and devoured countless online courses on picture book making. I learned how words and illustrations should complement (not duplicate) each other, how stories need inciting incidents and character arcs, and how the reason why I was making the book needed to affect every decision I made. This helped me mold the story into the version that eventually won my agent’s representation and got acquired by my editor at Scholastic.

At this point, the book was still about too many things: the importance of home, family, friendship. My editor helped me find the heart of the story by asking me what deep feeling fueled my need to tell it. Once again, Little Saki came to the rescue, taking me back to my first day at a new school, in a foreign country, on the playground surrounded by unfamiliar words and feeling lost. Then I saw a girl looking at me. She smiled, so I waved at her—and she waved back!

This friendly gesture saved me as a kid. The relief I felt became the emotional core of this story, making the book about how small acts of kindness can help a friendship bloom without a common language.

My younger self and I agree that the most gratifying part of this journey was getting to meet so many kindred souls; fellow dreamers and deeply feeling creators, teachers, librarians, parents and kids. I wouldn’t have been able to get this book published without them. For me, making this book felt like going home to the truest version of me. The people that helped me do this turned out to be the ones I’d been yearning to meet all my life. It makes sense that when you’re doing what you love and expressing a deep truth about yourself, you meet your people.

It took me 35+ years to finally listen to the wisdom of my seven-year-old self. I’m grateful she waited for me, and can’t wait to embark on our next adventure.

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Saki Tanaka is a Mexican-Japanese children’s book author and illustrator who dreams up enchanting worlds and empowering stories to embrace and celebrate “outsiders” like herself. She writes about the wonders of connecting with kindred spirits, creative inspiration and the art of alchemizing difficult experiences into magical tales at sakitales.com.

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Between Words, A Friendship Tale is about a young boy named Kai who lives a nomadic life, following the seasons with his Pa. At each new village they pass through, he struggles to make friends because of the strangeness of his words. It’s not until his frustration sparks an unexpected encounter that he learns the wordless magic of kind gestures which form lasting bonds. A fantastical reimagining of the author’s transient childhood moving around the globe, this ode to belonging champions connections that overcome language barriers and bridge worlds without words.