16 Things Sexist Male Writers Say to Female Writers
Before we even ordered our beers, he had found five ways to insult me. This wasn’t a date. This was a meeting between two writers. We had presumably come to the bar to brainstorm and critique each other’s work like adults. I quickly learned that he saw this as a competition.
I guess he considered me a threat because I had far more bylines, ran a micro-press, and worked as a staff magazine editor, while he toiled away in retail. He wanted to put on his gloves and leave me in fisticuffs as he dealt me low-blows about my age (three years his junior), my hometown, my family, and, yes, my sex.
But I didn’t care. The way I saw it, I was the one wearing gloves and he was going at it bare-fisted. Because, for me, it wasn’t about numbers; it was about words and stories and characters. I would write even if meant never seeing my name in print. So I let him rant and drink too much until I was done laughing at his pitiful punches.
This fella embodied the archetype of the Sexist Writer, specifically the frustrated variety (but their accomplished brothers are just as bad, if not worse.) You, fellow female writer, have likely met one of these insecure men, too. You’ll know because you’ve heard him say one or more of the following things:
- “So, do you write chick lit or teen vampire romances?”
- “One of my favorite books is—well, you probably haven’t read it. There’s lots of sex and violence.”
- “But you’ll stop writing when you have kids, right?”
- “Most of the women writers I’ve met aren’t actually writers, but maybe you’re different. You sound smarter.”
- “Of course you’ll sell books! Look at your [insert body part here.]”
- “Do your breasts ever get in the way of your arm when you’re writing?”
- “Do you exercise during your writing breaks? Sitting at a desk all day can really make a girl fat.”
- “When you talk…you sound so masculine. You must have a man’s brain.”
- “In the time it takes you to get dressed, do your hair, and put on your makeup, I can write a chapter.”
- “I just don’t think it’s possible for women to write books men will want to read, but I know exactly how to write for women.”
- “Throughout history, women didn’t write because they were too busy fretting over their petticoats.”
- “They designed keyboards for men’s hands, not women’s hands, because men were meant to write.”
- “Yeah, I never read Harry Potter because a woman wrote it.”
- “I hope your husband proofreads for you. Differentiating between a hyphen and a semicolon is not women’s work.”
- “Look, if writing doesn’t work out for you, you can always get married and have kids.”
- “Adult women’s writing isn’t that much different than what they wrote as angsty teen girls. Boo-hoo, sorry you didn’t get Prince Charming.”
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Born and raised in Virginia, Christine Stoddard is a Salvadoran-Scottish-American writer and visual storyteller. In 2014, Folio Magazine named her one of the top 20 media visionaries in their 20s for founding Quail Bell Magazine, a place for real and unreal stories from around the world. Christine’s work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, Bustle, The Feminist Wire, Jezebel, Ravishly, Luna Luna, and elsewhere. Read samples of her work at WordsmithChristine.com.
Follow her on twitter @cstoddard
Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing
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I once had a man get in touch with me via Facebook and out of the blue begin giving me writing advice – right down to how I should approach writing a sex scene. Assuming he must be a professional writer, I asked him how many books he’d published. The answer, of course, was none. Not one byline anywhere. Yet he felt perfectly qualified telling someone who’d been a professional writer for more than 15 years how to write.
Many of the items are so weird, but I can’t honestly say I disbelieve any of them.
He was hitting on you. That’s how little boys tell you they like you.
Good heavens,
If you have had those things said to you then American men must be pathetic creatures who are not worth your time.
I can honestly say I have never met a man who talks down like that .
As a male writer I am proud to say I have lots of female writing friends. Yes I feel threatened by them because they are all fantastic writers, and I am just starting out. This gentlemen(loose term of the word used)is obviously a very funny bloke in his own mind. By the sounds of things he is frightened about his own inadequacies. Don’t let it get to you, because by the look of things you have plenty of friends out there.
Thanks to my first novel #IAm16ICanRape: The War AGAINST Rape Culture, I have heard weirder and angrier comments. The worst was, “Look at the title of your book, how disgusting you must be as a person.”
Goodness. How awful. Fortunately I know many male writers who are not like that at all.
Thank you for speaking out! I’ve had many similar, and worse experiences. In London, I left several so-called ‘writers’ groups’ in tears because the men who dominated these groups used them mainly to attack and publicly dismember women’s writing.
Of course, not all male writers are like this, but it takes courage to speak out. Thank you!
Oh. My. Goddess.
Really???????? I’m so glad I live in England, and not Virginia! The only remotely sexist things I’ve come across is one man thinking that ‘chick lit’ meant all books by women, and men presuming that because I am female and have long blonde hair that I write romance. I hope you didn’t even bother to answer these guys but just showed them your right hook/blocked them!
Christine,
These are the times to get up and walk out!
Or say, “that could be seen as sexist, ya’know?”
M. Latela
Wow, he sounds a real piece of work! I’ve come across no 1 and no10, but that’s about it. Most of the male writers I’ve met have been really nice. I write romance, so I get genre snobbery from both sexes. (why do people assume women’s fic is easy to write?)
What an awful experience and I’m sorry that happened to you. I have no doubt that these things may be true for “sexist” male writers. Luckily, I’ve had several helpful encounters with lovely male writers. Most recently, I requested an interview with a very successful, well-known writer in a typically male genre (James Bond books) and he was delightful. Also had the opportunity to participate in a book store event with a thoughtful, encouraging and complimentary former soldier turned author. I’d chalk this up to insecurity and maybe just not being a good person. Hopefully, our interactions with this type of marginalization become a thing of the past. Thanks for sharing a thought-provoking topic.
Is he still writing? Most of the men I saw that talked big never did anything with it. Guess it made them feel superior, but I’m the one writing.