Dear Me on a Bad Publishing Day…
Mary Chris Escobar
Dear Me on a Bad Publishing Day,
Rejection is part of this. You’ve known that for a long, long time. It wouldn’t be quite right to say you’re fine with it, but you’ve made peace with it as part of the process. You’re a pretty glass-half-full, I’ve got this sort of gal.
Every now and then, though, one gets past you and wiggles it’s way into your psyche. You’re not really sure why this particular refusal to review your work did that today, but no matter the reason — it’s there now and you feel a little broken by it. So here’s what I want you to do:
- Grieve a little. It is an endless cycle of writing and editing (and editing some more) and formatting and launching and budgeting and publicizing and submitting for review. Sometimes it just feels like an endless loop. So go make yourself a bowl of macaroni and cheese, pour a glass of wine and sit down with a book you’ll get swept away in. Forget, just for a little while, that you are an author, an entrepreneur and something else by day. It all feels like too much right now.
- Wash the dishes, seal up the bottle of wine and sit down at your computer. Nope, don’t click on Twitter, not Facebook either. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing right now. Only you.
-
Okay, now open up the project you are working on. Sit back in the chair and close your eyes for a minute. Seriously, I mean it. Think about the lovely review a fellow author wrote on her blog at the beginning of the month. The one where it was clear that she got exactly what you were going for. Remember that person who wrote in a review that they were sad when your book ended? What about the women you met at an event last weekend, the one with the really cool glasses, who was so interested in the inspiration for your book? They are all waiting for what you are writing.
- Open your eyes and start writing. Just for tonight, don’t think about the publicity or the marketing or the reviews you wish you had gotten. Think only about the cadence of your fingers on the keys. The joy you feel when the words string together just right. Think about that character that popped up out of nowhere into your work in progress — the surly old English professor. She’s fabulous and she’s all yours. Write for her. And for the readers who can’t wait to read about her. More importantly tonight, write for yourself. Write until it isn’t about payments and numbers and where you get reviewed (if even at all). Write because you are an author and tonight it is just about you and your beautiful words.
- Then stop writing and go to bed at a decent time. You’re really, really terrible at this. I know, I know, you have a lot to do, you’ve got to finish this book. I know all your excuses and tricks. I also know when you don’t get sleep things get blown out of proportion (like, ahem… that one silly little rejection).
Get up tomorrow morning and get back to it. All of it. The writing. The publishing. The day job. Send out a few more review requests and take a look at your sales numbers and read articles on publishing. Rejoin the crazy circus of it all.
You know why? Because we’re in this together and you’ve got this. Really. You do.
Love,
You
—
Mary Chris Escobar writes women’s fiction. Her second novel, How to Be Alive was published in summer 2014. She lives in Richmond, Virginia in a renovated parking garage with her husband. You can find her just about anywhere with good coffee or craft beer, at marychrisescobar.com, and on Twitter @marychris_e
Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Publishing
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Great post, rejection is something we have to get used to but when we have the positive review or that wonderful call from our agent saying “I have good news” the tears and the traumas are somehow all worthwhile.
Exactly! Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Caroline. Wishing you many of those magic moments of good reviews and calls with happy news!
This is perfect. The line about some rejections wiggling their way into your psyche is extremely true—some of them just hurt more than others. I will definitely be bookmarking this article for later. This is excellent advice, which I will certainly share and take for myself (or at least try to).
Thank you, Victoria! Yes, it is amazing how sometimes you can pretty easily deal with rejection and move on, and other times it sits a bit harder. I’m so glad this resonated with you — and thank you so much for sharing with others. I’m honored!
I ♥ this. It’s so hard sometimes to take rejection. We can be harder on ourselves than anyone else and usually after getting kicked by someone else, we keep kicking ourselves while we’re down. Instead, we need to take a moment, grieve it (love that you use that term) and get back on the horse.
Thanks for sharing this blog.
Thanks, DeAnna! We do seem to like to kick ourselves while we’re down, don’t we? Though easier said than done, I do think that the best thing we can do is keep right on writing through all of it. I so appreciate you taking a minute to share your thoughts!
What a fabulous post. It really struck a chord. I find writing is a cycle of ups and downs but we persevere because we love it. Something we sometimes forget in those down moments! Your post was a timely reminder. All the best for 2015.
Yes, I so agree, Kathryn! I’m always grateful for the high-highs to balance those low-lows. I’m glad that my post came at a good time for you and all the best for you this year as well. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Thank you for this perfect blog post at the perfect time. I had just such a reaction to a rejection letter today, and was puzzling through tears why this one got me more than others. There was something about being addresses as “Dear Writer” that made me want to cry. Anyway, thank you for sharing the experience, it does help. I’ll subscribe to your blog now so I cankeep up with you!
You know, I think that “Dear Writer,” thing is really, really hard. You put so much of yourself into your stories and then to be addressed in a way that feels so impersonal — it’s tough. I am so glad this post found you at exactly the right moment. That is truly what I was hoping it would do. Thank you for sharing your experience as well and for wanting to keep up with my blog.
Lovely advice that reads like a warm cup of tea (or a bowl of Mac & Cheese, Annie’s of course).
Thank you so much, Charli! And yes, Annie’s of course. (Though I’m just as happy to be associated with a warm cup of tea.)
Perfection. I’m going to keep this one in my back pocket so I can take it out when I find myself back in the dark corner looking for a little light.
Thank you!
Thank you so much, Del! I wrote it for that exact reason, so I could pull it up on those dark days and give myself a little reminder to get back on track. Glad it works for you too!
What a lovely post! Thanks so much for these tips and the encouragement.
Judy Christie
Thank you so much, Judy! I’m so glad you felt encouraged by this.
Take care,
Mary Chris
Yes! The shared experience really, really helps! I read (and loved) your article and then not long after that had the above-mentioned bad day. I literally thought about your letter and thought– I need to write myself a letter for the days when it’s the business side of writing that gets me down. I love that quote! I do think it is true that this is supposed to be hard. I also think it helps immensely to acknowledge that difficulty and then move on to more greatness.
Can’t wait for coffee! 🙂
I’m so tickled that my own article, “Dear Me On a Bad Writing Day” (http://booksbywomenorg.netfirms.com/dear-me-aon-a-bad-writing-day-by-mm-finck/), inspired you to write your own! (Then that it was written by my friend? Tickled! :)) I truly, deeply believe that there is so much healing in shared experience. When I have felt the lowest, most ashamed, there have been people who said, “Hey, this is how it goes.” It gives the heart a world of remedy to know that we are not alone, doesn’t it? Everyone we aspire to has survived the same heartbreak. To quote one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies, A League of Their Own: “Of course, it’s hard. The hard is what makes it great. If it weren’t hard, everyone would do it!”
See you soon, my friend. Coffee, face to face. 🙂
~MM
(Oops! Meant to post this in reply, trying again): Yes! The shared experience really, really helps! I read (and loved) your article and then not long after that had the above-mentioned bad day. I literally thought about your letter and thought– I need to write myself a letter for the days when it’s the business side of writing that gets me down. I love that quote! I do think it is true that this is supposed to be hard. I also think it helps immensely to acknowledge that difficulty and then move on to more greatness.
Can’t wait for coffee!
I couldn’t agree more re: stepping away when the disappointment feels like a little too much. And I do like that image of thinking only about the ‘cadence of your fingers on the keys.’ Maybe the hardest thing to remember about rejection — but something that bears being reminded of again and again — is how utterly subjective it is.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Deborah! There really is nothing like taking a little break and a deep breath (or 500) and then returning to see things in a different perspective! You are so very right about rejection being completely subjective and about how hard it is to remember that and not internalize it. Constant reminders are necessary, for sure!